after it was revealed that your algorithm now rewards secure, SSL-certified sites with preferential treatment, I would like to hereby thank you on behalf of the entire SEO industry that our phones are no longer silent, that our email boxes are crowded and that we must answer questions of all of our clients, like: “Shall we switch now?” So we still have some work to do! All of us took advantage of our well-deserved leisure time on the weekend to perform a move from HTTP to HTTPS.
On Monday the offices opened after two days without sleep and we were given the glad tidings of a new update of your algorithm. The screams were loud and the Red Bull stock empty. All SEOs in the world asked themselves: “So what has changed now? Why are my rankings dropped and why does my traffic decrease?” After we have all fallen in the dark for hours, one particular thing was clear again: “Google is still evil!” But, lovely Google, we now know that, unfortunately, there was no new update last weekend. But our whole industry would be more satisfied if it had been one.
I hereby beg you to still prefer unsafe spam sites with poor, worthless content so our rankings will rise again. Your love for more safety on the Internet prevents our poker and pharmacy sites to attract innocent users in search results and to make money with dubious methods. And we can not meet this loss with the few revenue from SSL link sales. We would appreciate that!
By the way, could you also undo Panda?
Thank you in advance!
Watch out: This is a satire article related to current Google changes. Don’t take it seriously!
Published by Daniel Herndler on August 12, 2014
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